Promiscuous Paddys

Promiscous Paddys, or, The Tale of an Irish Maiden

by the Facehunting Rogues

Me name it is Molly O'Connor,
and I meant to keep me honor,
but I'm afraid that I get frisky,
when the boys they serve me whisky!
Hey-ho, you diddle me, I diddle you,
Hey-ho, oh yes, we all diddle-dooooo!

My fiancé, they called 'im Paddy,
And I swear I loved 'im madly,
for 'e gave me such a 'bout,
With his massive Irish Stout!
Hey-ho, you diddle me, I diddle you,
Hey-ho, oh yes, we all diddle-dooooo!

But when me Paddy went,
Ta work and pay the rent,
I shuffled o'er to Andy,
And gave him me special 'handy'.
Hey-ho, you diddle me, I diddle you,
Hey-ho, oh yes, we all diddle-dooooo!

When Paddy's rent was paid,
and Andy'd got me laid,
Some beer I did brew,
and I cooked some Irish stew.
Hey-ho, you diddle me, I diddle you,
Hey-ho, oh yes, we all diddle-dooooo!

Liam 'e was the butcher boy,
and me very special toy,
as 'e brought me beef and sausage,
I caught 'im ogling me cleavage.
Hey-ho, you diddle me, I diddle you,
Hey-ho, oh yes, we all diddle-dooooo!

I must confess it got me hot,
so I put his sausage in me pot,
in the ways of flesh 'e was skilled,
'e left me feelin' so fulfilled.
Hey-ho, you diddle me, I diddle you,
Hey-ho, oh yes, we all diddle-dooooo!

At nine I served me stew,
Ta both Paddy and ta Andrew,
And ere the clock striked ten,
I served 'em both again!
Hey-ho, you diddle me, I diddle you,
Hey-ho, oh yes, we all diddle-dooooo!

This p'rticlar stew made me mew,
To which I'm indeed not new,
But then I got much sicker,
After a visit to the Vicar.
Hey-ho, you diddle me, I diddle you,
Hey-ho, oh yes, we all diddle-dooooo!

Knocked up by the vicar man,
I naked through the village ran.
The milkman helped me out,
yea, he fairly made me shout!
Hey-ho, you diddle me, I diddle you,
Hey-ho, oh yes, we all diddle-dooooo!

In the pub I had some Guinness,
me and the owner did some business,
his wife gave me a licking,
while me nipples 'e was flicking.
Hey-ho, you diddle me, I diddle you,
Hey-ho, oh yes, we all diddle-dooooo!

The reg'lars played a game of dart,
while I spread me legs apart,
for the prize we gave the winner,
was an hour with this sinner!
Hey-ho, you diddle me, I diddle you,
Hey-ho, oh yes, we all diddle-dooooo!

As in turn they did me over,
the boys they sang "The Wild Rover",
but the one that truly makes me sing,
is me Paddy's special thing!
Hey-ho, you diddle me, I diddle you,
Hey-ho, oh yes, we all diddle-dooooo!

In the disgrace of me situation,
I thought I must turn to prostitution,
or else have ta become a nun,
well, even a nunnery can be fun!
Hey-ho, you diddle me, I diddle you,
Hey-ho, oh yes, we all diddle-dooooo!

But as I went back to 'is hame,
ta tell me Paddy of me shame,
me darlin' surely blew me top,
'e was lickin' Andy's lollipop!
Hey-ho, you diddle me, I diddle you,
Hey-ho, oh yes, we all diddle-dooooo!

Now I'm married to a village,
I'm theirs ta loot and pillage,
when the bishop told me off,
I just shook 'im by 'is staff!
Hey-ho, you diddle me, I diddle you,
Hey-ho, oh yes, we all diddle-dooooo!

(Melodi: Trad., Tekst: djsturm, rocket147, biermann, Boccherini og Artaxerxes.)